My Shechina’s Cry- Redeemed

Nechama Schusterman

Trapped, held back, tied up, no voice, no where to turn, no one to express to, so many pent up locked feelings and thoughts.

Silence-I feel like I’m in a cage. A dark dark cage with a void so huge it can soffocate and kill me. Bubbling up fear and anger, sadness and confusion, questions and wonder, all locked up in a bag that just grows and grows about to pop but never gets released ...

How can I survive? live like this with deathly silence.. I am silenced, muzzle to my mouth, muzzle to my heart , desperate to talk til I’m red in the face .. to deaf ears.

Why should I cry? to where will my tears fall? To whom? Nowhere to land so just keep them inside, bottled up in a tight tight container.

I’m suffocating! no space, no where to think, so much noise around me, they are taking up all the space, nothing left for me, stay invisible, hide, don’t dare come out, you will die.

There is suffocation all around. Make yourself more invisible, even more, let everyone else take up space so you won’t add to the suffocation.

On the floor, stepped all over, doormat, take advantage of me, I am nothing but a stepping stone..to make you comfortable. I do not have a voice and I do not take up space .

I have no voice! But I will give you a voice, I am all ears, I am here to serve you. My voice got lost, disappeared, I have nothing left to say, my feelings are gone, nothing but vacant cold air in my body, lifeless, like death, I zombie through life, afraid, vacant, disconnected, silenced.

And then it comes...like a ruptured volcano, the storm erupts and boils over. I will no longer be silenced, I refuse to stay hidden, I am no longer your doormat, I do not live to serve you.

I do have a voice! A loud voice, a vibrant voice, a passionate voice! I have thoughts, ideas, feelings, wisdom, creativity, life, joy, love, clarity, hope, and so much passion in my heart!

It’s roaring inside like a tornado now. Picking up speed! I am here, I am here! I will take up space, I have what to say, I am worthy of being seen, heard and celebrated, I have truth, I have love, I am real and right, I am hope and I am vision, I am power and I am might, I am light.

Watch out world- my voice will be heard.