I Am Just So Grateful To Be In This Place

By Devorie Nussbaum

I walked into my room

And softly closed the door, I lay on my bed, feeling satisfied and peaceful,

My heart filled with love, and joy and gratitude 

I am just so grateful to be in this place, G-d has truly blessed me beyond my wildest dreams

How I got here was a long and bumpy road and I’ll tell that story one day if your interested, but for now it feels like I woke up from a bad dream... it seems so far away and almost boring 

First I want to describe what this place looks like... 

It’s a place where I feel G-d is with me in the chaos, in the mess in the screaming kids and in the falls... it’s a place where I don’t judge myself, say mean things to myself or take full responsibility for any success or failure... it’s a place where I feel my emotions fully in the depth of my body and I am not afraid to sit with them, cry, laugh and breath, slowly and deeply... it’s a place where I know to be curious about myself and others and nothing is to be taken at face value, labelled or rejected, everything has its place and it’s time, it’s just a matter of understanding what it is...  it’s a place of slowing down enough to sleep, be silly with my kids and shop for plants.... It’s a place where I know when I am not there and I know how to get back... it’s a place where I can learn, pray and be inspired sometimes and other times I know that my prayer is in my heart and my inspiration is that G-d is also in this place... 

I know that this place isn’t out there, it’s in me, here are something I had to learn along the way to get here...

G-d wants me to enjoy my life

Nervous system regulation 

There is no internal place or External place that G-d doesn’t fill

Nervous system regulation

G-d is laughing with me, crying with me, holding me and cheering  me on

When I succeed its because I am acting as channel bringing G-ds success to the world, when I fail it’s because I thought it was me 

Nervous system regulation  

Emotions are not something to be fixed or feared, all they need is to be found, seen and understood 

Every voice in my head is there to be heard but not necessarily believed or acted on.

Nervous system regulation 

Loads of information about G-d, the world, people, and the laws of nature 

And mainly it was all a gift, one I asked for and opened myself up to receive, and muddled around a lot in the dark for. 

Thank you G-d